Analytical Chemistryys Measurement Cop
H
ello. I'm your local Measurement Cop, now patrolling Analytical Chemistry. I set standards, settle disagreements, and arbitrate interesting discussions. My unlimited accuracy and precision are great qualifications for this job. Some have even said I have the wisdom of Solomon, Abraham Lincoln, and Charlie Reilley. Well, here comes a visitor walking across the page. Good day! How is your investigation? Eminent Chemist: Good day, my friend. The research is going great. Success is just around the corner and over the next grant hill. I'm trying to achieve the quantitative determination of a single.molecule. Measurement Cop: How accurate will your determination be? It sounds like a binary problem. Eminent Chemist:We should thiik about that. Look, here comes an Elected Official. Elected Oficial: Hello, Voter. I've been very busy. After lowering taxes and slashing my budget, I'm going to provide everyone who voted for me with all the services they could want. Eminent Chemist: I have colleagues who've talked about the principles of that. They called it a perpetual motion machine, I think. Elected Oficial: I'll have my office get one of those. But I have a new project now, to keep all you folks who voted for me safe. I'm working on a bill to outlaw toxic chemicals. You remember that I campaigned with a toxic plank in my platform. I'm looking for some help with the wording of my bill. Eminent Chemist:You've come to the right place. I'm working on determination of single molecules-you know, the chaste unmarried kind. Elected Oficial: That's perfect! I think the law should say that our citizens' food and water and air and homes and cars and offices must contain no detectable amounts of toxic chemicals. If you can determine single molecules, can the rules read, for example, that a bunch of broccoli must contain less than one toxic single molecule?
Measurement Cop: Well, you might want to think about how many would be allowed in a half bunchthat may be a problem. But let me ask you: Which molecules are toxic ones? Elected Ofiicial: Well, that should be obvious, shouldn't it? Anything that could make you sick. Eminent Chemist:Well, a little beer will make me happy, but a lot will make me sick. My colleague down the hall gets sick on just a taste, so us Voters are not all alike, and there is a lot that's not known, including toxic molecules. That is, how much would make you sick or not isn't necessarily a linear question. Also, the water pipes in my house are made from a very toxic chemical, but once the pipes are made, they and the water in them are quite safe. So what will I use for water pipes if you don't let manufacturers use that toxic chemical? Elected Oficial: But I want a law that will make this important public issue very simple. Isn't it best just to make a law that if you measurement scientists can detect a toxic chemical, it's too much to have around? Eminent Chemist: Hum, I think I've just learned about another challenge in detecting single molecules. I'd better get back to the lab. Elected Oficial: Well, I'm sorely disappointed. I didn't know making rules about chemicals would be complicated. Measurement Cop:Well, it's true that there is a great deal of diversity among chemicals. You should ask Eminent Chemist to come talk to your stafl. I11 try to get him out of the lab more often. And I'm afraid he hasn't told you even half the problems you Elected Officials face. Let me give you some directions to the journal on the next aisle over. I think its name is Risk Assessment.
Analytical Chemistry, July 1, 1995 409 A
