Comment ▼ Life at the university Humble Student: Professor, tell us about the environment. Brilliant Professor: The environment is so precious; we must protect it at all costs. It must be kept clear of everyone else’s emissions, so that it can assimilate our own wastes. Humble Student: You are so brilliant, Professor. Brilliant Professor: I know. You see, being a professor is all about professing the many things one knows that have simply not occurred to anyone else. As a professor, I teach these things continuously in the classroom, up to even six hours per week. Humble Student: Wow! That is a lot. Brilliant Professor: Yes, I know. Now, I find I need more time for thinking and research, so I am trying to hire an adjunct professor at a small fraction of my salary to teach my courses. Then, I will have more time to think about what I should be professing—I’ll finally be a professor who is free of any time in the classroom. Humble Student: I didn’t realize it is so difficult being a professor and that it takes so much of your time and energy.
Brilliant Professor: Exactly! The only drawback with research professors is that the university does not want to give them tenure, so they have no job security if they cease to bring in zillions of research dollars. And without tenure and academic freedom, they have to be a little careful about what they say. Humble Student: Gee, if they do not get tenure then they may not be here long, and if they don’t teach in the classroom and they cannot say exactly what they are thinking, should they really be called “professors” at all? Brilliant Professor: Of course, my dear proto-clone. It is simply a part of the natural evolution of the university. Professors do not have to teach, and university administrators need more flexibility and revenue sources. Pretty soon, all the courses will be taught by non-tenure-track faculty who are all filling in for someone else. Humble Student: Why do the universities need more money, professor? My tuition has been increasing at 20% per year.
Brilliant Professor: Indeed, it does. In fact, now the university has begun to recognize how difficult it really is. They are creating research professorships and clinical professorships that are completely free of teaching, so our minds are available for more important things.
Brilliant Professor: You see, it is all a part of the “big picture”. It has to do with tax cuts for wealthy people, so that they can have more money to invest and get our economy moving again. This leaves the states with very little money for public education. Public universities are just privatizing a little bit and passing the costs on to you. You will be pleased to learn that your loans are worth it, and your education is still quite a bargain.
Humble Student: But then how will I ever be able to learn what the research professors know?
Humble Student: You are so brilliant, professor. You can see the future and how it should unfold.
Brilliant Professor: Easy, my humble student. You will be able to read about it in the research journals and perhaps even receive one of the coveted research assistantships in the laboratory. You see, so much research funding will be brought into the university, with indirect costs and the chance for economic development, that the regents and president of the university are just ecstatic about it.
Brilliant Professor: I know.
Humble Student: Well, it really does sound like it could benefit everyone.
© 2003 American Chemical Society
Jerald L. Schnoor Editor
[email protected] SEPTEMBER 1, 2003 / ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENCE & TECHNOLOGY ■ 311 A
