THE NEW ASSISTANT A
METRIC PLAY,
BY ALTON L. HALL AND THE GENERAL SCIENCE CLASS OF
BISHOP, CALIF.
With the exception of CREAKY, no costumes are necessary beyond a band of muslin fifteen centimeters wide for each nation. The band bears the name of the country represented, and is worn right shoulder to left hip. These bands, ready for use, may be borrowed from the author. A minimum of nine actors is required. One of them should be a girl. As many as fifty-nine could be used. See list of nations using the for Jan., 1925, page 64. The time is supposed to be metric system in THISJOURNAL 125 years ago, but changes to the present during the play. The curtain rises showing FRANCE seated at a desk or table R. center.
France-"Creaky is too slow; yesterday I wanted to know the cost of one pencil when the price per gross was given, and it took him so long to find it that I went away and left him figuring. I hear that there is a young lady, recently arrived, who can tell the answers instantly, without writing a figure." Miss Metric (entering from R.)-"Good-morning, sir; would you like to hire an assistant for your office?" France-"Meaning you?" Miss Metric-"Yes, sir." France-"What can you do!" Miss Metric-"Weigh and measure, and reduce and compute." France-"I have an old servant wl?o looks after my accounts; I doubt whether you could do the work." Miss Metric-"You might give me a triaT, sir." France (shouts toward I,.)-"0, Creaky! Come here a minute." (Creaky enters from L. He is bent, and leans on a yardstick.) "Creaky, this is Miss Metric, who is applying for your position. Show her how quickly you can do your work. This platform is, say, thirty-two feet ten inches long; how many inches would that be?" Creaky-"Did you say, 'how many inches'!" France-"Yes." Creaky-(crosses behind Miss M. and goes down R. to a blackboard.) Let me see. . . . . . "(multiplies it out, naming the figures as he works), "394, sir." France-"Well done, Creaky. Now, Miss Metric, it is your turn. This room is, say, thirty-two meters and ten centimeters long. How many centimeters would that be?" Miss M. (confidently)-"Thirty-two hundred and ten, sir." France (surprised)-"But you didn't figure it." Miss Metric-"I didn't need to. I have the advantage of your servant in that where he had to multiply by twelve, I had only to multiply by one hundred, and I can do that in my head." 8'
VOL2, No. 7
THE NEWASSISTANT
601
CREAKY wipes his forehead.
France-"Simple! Let's try another kind. Creaky, what fraction of a mile would your 32 feet 10 inches be!" Creaky--"Fraction of a mile?" France-"Yes." Creaky-"Let me see. . . . . . A mile is 5280 feet. I'll have t o change that to inches." He figuresit out on the blackboard, and finally announces the result.
France-"And now, Miss Metric, what fraction of a kilometer would your 32 meters and ten centimeters be!" Miss Metric-"Thirty-two thousandths, sir. The exact figures are 0.0321." France-"Well, I'll be hanged. How did you do it?" Miss Metric--"Here, again, I had the advantage over your servant. He had to divide by 5280 times 12; I had only to divide by 1000, and I can do that in my head; just move the decimal point three places t o the left." (To the audience)-"I do all my measuring and weighing in the same way that you count your money.." (Shows meter.) "In your money, ten mils make one cent; here, ten millimeters make one centimeter. You have ten cents making one dime; I have ten centimeters make one decimeter. You have one hundred cents making one dollar; I have one hundred centimekers making one meter. The problem he gave me is as though someone $hould ask you how many cents there are in tbirty-two dollars and ten cents. You could answer a t once: thirty-two hundred and ten. Or what fraction of a thousand dollars thirty-two dollars is-it is 0.032. I n changing from one denomination to another, I never have anything t o multiply or divide by any number except 10, 100 or 1000, and I can do that in my head. (Voice off stage L.) "Creaky! Where's Creaky? Here he is." FRANCE seizes CREAKY and march- him across stage to meet the nations. France-"You may hane your old servant; I have a better one." Nations-"Who?" France-"Miss Metric." Several Nations-"Never heard of her." Belgium-"I have; and since she is satisfactory to you, I'll hire her too." Goes across stage to R., and is welcomed by Miss M. Semeralothernationsfollow. Curtain may drop here to show lapse of time. If the cast is small, all except England and U.S. and CREAKY cross at this time.
France-"Wouldn't
it be fine if all the nations would let Creaky go?"
Belgium-"Think of the poor school children in England and the United States-millions of them-and the wasted years they spend in school learning tables, useless tables." Germany-"And figuring long problems about them; all unnecessarily." China-"And those common fractions, improper fractions and vulgar fractions!" Japan-"What slavery!" China-"They need enlightenment; they need missionaries." France-"It makes me angry when I think of it. Uncle Sam, let me see one of your arithmetics." Crosses t o L., gets book-a showing book:
large one--comes down stage and says t o audience,
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